Getting through it

What the research says

Studies consistently find that divorced and separated men have suicide rates several times higher than married men, that the risk peaks in the months around the separation, and that men are less likely than women to have a support network that survives the marriage. Men also drink more after divorce, sleep worse, and delay medical care. None of that is destiny; all of it is why a plan matters more than willpower.

Who to call in Colorado

The plan, week by week

• Week one: a doctor’s appointment, a counselor’s first session booked, one friend told the truth.
• Weeks two to four: a bedtime, a walk or a gym slot every day, alcohol counted, the kids’ schedule on the wall.
• Months two to six: three standing things a week with other people; one project (a certification, a house, a trip with the kids); the money decisions made on paper, not at 2 AM.
• Months six to twelve: the new place set up like a home, not a holding cell; a routine you would keep even if nothing else changed.

The house and the head

Half the men we talk to are losing sleep over the house, not the marriage: the payment, the deadline, the fear of a foreclosure or of losing the kids’ bedrooms. That part has a number, and the number is usually better than the fear. Get it in writing, then get some sleep. Keep the house, sell the house, foreclosure and divorce.